Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize