I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
