He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There r osticjed everywhere
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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