I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
