if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
