i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
