I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
