spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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