Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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