Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
