You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My dick has a subreddit
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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