Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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