Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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