Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
