Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
