I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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