hell yes lets make some ravioli
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
