u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
cat food counts as protein by the way
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
