I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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