he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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