did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
