who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
