That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
