i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
