you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
