Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
