thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize