The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i came on her dog
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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