She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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