my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I am available for nakedness
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
