Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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