I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
