One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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