either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
