So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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