Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
