Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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