I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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