Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize