i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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