Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize