I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
