How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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