You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
