I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had sex on a dog bed..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
