i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
