She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
