I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
