so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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