he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
