Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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