I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
