I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
