yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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