im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
