Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Best friends brother. Beat that.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
