....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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