dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
