I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
