I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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