This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
