I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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