No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
