You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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