I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
