Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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