he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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