peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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