My liver just broke up with me...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
