Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize