maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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