i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize