whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
