I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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