You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
