he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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