I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
