***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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